life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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