At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
