i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
