Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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