i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
