She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
