after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
