Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
