I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
