Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
