Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you like me you must not know who I am
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
