Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
