You work out of a Hotel?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
