u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
should my penis look like a turkey
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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