I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
