sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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