Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
