You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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