So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
