I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
