I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
