Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Everclear isn't food dammit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
