now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In other news, I just burned my penis
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
