Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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