Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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