Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
