It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
