i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
