Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
