if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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