So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
