i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
