need another drink. this is the easiest way
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
