woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
3pm strippers are depressing
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
