Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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