Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
