How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
