I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
