He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
