made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
