Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My pussy is not your playground.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
