wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
