I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
