Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
