I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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