think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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