My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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