Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
