so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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