My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
