omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
