Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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